Had some time today and thought of penning down my thoughts. I suddenly realised that my son is already 16 months old and somehow the Lord has granted me the strength, ability and grace to be able to handle him all on my own when hubby is at work! This was something that I never thought possible especially when I had just given birth! I didn't even dare to carry Jedi as I had no clue how to and he was just so soft and fragile!
I still remember the feelings of overwhelment when I came back from the hospital. Really thank the Lord for my hubby who was ever so supportive during that period. He would cheer me up with cards, flowers and small post-it notes of encouragement. I still remember the feeling of total helplessness when I had to suddenly learn to bathe, feed, change, burp, soothe, put to sleep the little one....all at once. Nobody told me what motherhood would be like and it was scary being thrust into such a BIG role all of a sudden!
Being a young mummy (hee I think I am lah for having first kid at 26), I was glad for the support of my mother who was there to help me during the day to relieve me and teach me the basics of motherhood. However, I felt very frightened at the same time as I knew she was only here for a few months and I would have to be on my own when she goes back to Aussieland. Once again I felt so overwhelmed and filled with fear when she left. But I continued to pray....
Somehow, after she left I managed to grow in confidence on how to look after Jedi. I had the help of well-meaning friends and of course the Internet!! But then another obstacle arose as I had to go back to work and I needed help with childcare. I had such a saddening, terrible and tough time finding help only to be sadly disappointed and disillusioned at the end. Then the Lord once again provided. I had a phone call from my dear aunt who volunteered to help me look after my son while I was at work. I was so touched as she was not even his grandmother but she regarded Jedi like a grandson! I was able to work with the peace of mind that Jedi was in good hands and that I was not imposing upon people and most importantly that he was welcome in her home and not a burdern or an obligation!!!!! I was also assured of her complete willingness and joy to help me in my time of need! I really appreciate her for being there for me and for my parents who also gave me as much emotional support as they could with phone calls.
The Lord continued to be faithful and I began to be convicted more and more that perhaps I should be a full-time stay-home mummy. This would be indeed a great leap of faith as it would mean relying on one income. My hubby was the one who suggested it one day after he felt convicted of the importance of having at least one parent at home to nurture and develop a child, after reading a book by James Dobson. This served as another confirmation for me but I somehow didn't dare to take that leap of faith. Work began to be increasingly difficult to juggle and I also found out I was expecting again! I decided to finally resign and I had such peace! My dear hubby was so supportive and assured me that we could make it as we didnt have liabilities such as a car and a high-class lifestyle.
now its been 4 months of being a stay-home mummy and I have never felt more fulfilled! Of course there are times that I feel like screaming when my little one acts up but somehow I'm glad that hubby and I managed to make it on our own. We feel really thankful to the Lord for being faithful to us. I am glad that we managed to raise Jedi on our own, the way we want to without any interference or well-meaning contradictions when he is being disciplined! He has transformed me with His grace from what some people used to regard me, as a 'xiao jie' who dosen't know a thing!!....to a mummy, and my hubby to a wonderful and loving father. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness....
